


Paralyzed

by Bianca MarOu (glazedmacguffin)



Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: The Original Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-18
Updated: 2010-02-18
Packaged: 2017-10-07 08:46:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazedmacguffin/pseuds/Bianca%20MarOu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock reflecting on the new universe he has found himself in.  First person fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paralyzed

When the moment came, I found that I was unable to move. I was unable to look away. I simply watched, and the event numbed me as the cold numbed my skin. I thought it was impossible- that somehow, something would stop this course of circumstances from occurring. That the ship that I came to trust would appear. It did, but it was unable to correct the mistake that I had set into motion.

From the neighboring ice covered world, I came to realize that the failure rested squarely on my shoulders, and the events that transpired was the culmination of a long series of alterations set in motion long before. That, in my ineffective attempt to save a dying world, I somehow doomed my own. An ancient society stricken from space. A young man robbed of those precious few more years in knowing his mother, even those brief moments in which Sarek could forgive his disagreements in opinion and that he might have spoken with her again.

There are so few of us left. Once a proud, unique race, a meager handful are all that remain. Logic dictates that we focus our efforts into restoration, in more than repopulation but also in maintaining our ideals. It would be quite easy for the Vulcan people to stray from what Surak imparted to us so long ago, and to take the path that the Romulans had also followed in denied bitterness. We were so often accused of arrogance, but in the face of what has occurred, the insurmountable strength of the Vulcan people to persevere cannot be denied. It is this determination that must be protected before it is twisted and perverted into another form.

We are not truly alone, the few ten or twelve thousand. Here, Romulus still exists, as do the Debrune. They are Vulcanoids, and descended from us. There are also the Mintakan, though it is strange to think the Prime Directive has not been broken in contacting them at this time. The Halanan as well, who are compassionate in their exploration of their emotion. Even the Rigelians can give us hope. No, we are not one of a few. We are a bit of many, the last survivors of a race that has spread far and flourished throughout the quadrant. The Vulcanoids and the Proto-Vulcan races, all from a hearty race that has overcome many obstacles.

In my less intent moments, it has struck me that this Federation was built off a first contact with Vulcans that was facilitated by a ship in a future that may no longer exist. That the Enterprise of another timeline traveled back to save this one, just to have it destroyed by my own faulty logic.

My logic, it was faulty... I should feel shame in what I have done. It was unquestionably an error in judgment. Though in feeling shame, I will forget exactly what it is that I am trying to maintain; what I am trying to preserve for the young Vulcanian that might still be.

I find the unfortunate advantage that I have in this is that I might see those that I have witnessed all pass into death young, vibrant, and enthusiastic once more. That I may see a fledgling friendship grow through good-natured rivalry, and that while I feel the absence of my wife keenly I see that I might not find the younger version of myself facing this daunting future alone. Saavik is a name he may never have the opportunity to speak into the dark, and her face might never greet him in the morning. I will simply hope that she lives well back in her own time, that she prospers, and that she continues my work in helping the Romulans that remain.

I have drawn slim comfort in hearing Jim's voice once more. Even if he were not addressing me, to see him with even an edge of a vibrancy that he once had- no longer locked in the prison of his mind. He will never know the terrible fate that he escaped, and saving a crippled captain, certainly, is low on the list of priorities my younger self might be keeping.

A great consolation I have is in what a man told me long ago, that time will bend to correct itself. In any case, I can believe that a child that I never thought would exist would still linger in some world, that I still possess the respect of his mother, that Captain Pike might have led a better life even in the face of disaster, that my half-Romulan spouse will quietly mourn my presumed passing even in the absence of a katra to retrieve, and most importantly in any timeline _he_ has been and always shall be my friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Done as a prompt for the now closed prompt community Realm of the Muse.


End file.
